Sleep, a new low

You're probably as bored of reading about Jake's sleep pattern as I am moaning about it but at 2.30am when he's screaming I start making up sentences for this blog which would go to waste unless I posted them.

So after 8 and half months, we're still taking 2 or 3 steps backwards for every 1 forward. A few weeks back I wrote that we were enjoying an almost perfect sleep cycle. Jake would go to bed, as he always has to be fair, at 7pm and then go through to at least 6am and sometimes 6.30am and on one glorious occasion, 8am. I remember writing that we were almost there and it wouldn't be long until he'd do 7-7. What a fool. As if.

So for the last week, he's woken at around midnight, but unlike when he used to wake, he now is inconsolable. A couple of times we left him to cry it out ('controlled crying' is the PC term) and it sometimes worked. It is very difficult to continue to do this when you live in a semi with thin walls. I don't much care for our neighbours but there's a limit. We'll leave him 10-15 minutes but after a while the desire to get back to sleep is greater than enduring the screaming in the hope it might help future nights. So, typically Clare will get up and a combination of shushing and humming Amazing Jake (Grace) which sometimes works so as he goes back to sleep for anything between 20 minutes and 5 hours. Lately he's been getting up at 5, we feed him and then he'll go back to sleep until after 8 - it even made me late for work once. This is actually acceptable as it's still possible to get 7 or even 8 hours sleep without having to go to bed at 9pm.

Last night however, represented a new standard even for Jake. Awake at 20 past midnight, controlled crying for 20 minutes, followed by apoplectic rage for a while, then Clare took him downstairs to watch TV. This calmed him down, however the rage returned when she tried to put him down again. Eventually she fed him and he started crying again. She changed his nappy, he went berserk. We got the hint when the neighbours started slamming doors at 2.15am! Eventually he dropped off around 3am. The problem with this prolonged screaming is that by the time he's fallen asleep, we're so awake and wired from sleep deprivation, we can't get back to sleep. When he woke up at 7, I felt like I'd woken up dead. Today is going to drag and I'm sending Clare to my sister's house tonight so she can get a full night's sleep. Although I'm awake through the night when he is, not having to get up and placate or feed him makes things easier for me. I have never done the overnight shift on my own before and it's about time but I will be having a word with him before he goes to bed and I suspect, our best friend Mr. Calpol will be involved!

Christening

Sunday was a great day. Jake was the dream child and behaved perfectly for his baptism. He was fascinated by the vicar when she was blessing him with the holy water and not at all miffed that she messed up his hairdo. The service was just for him after the main service, which was nice, I always feel that it's a bit of a job lot when several get done at the same time. That's the advantage of a village church.

Everyone turned up on time despite a road block and diversion and it was great to see so many people dressed in their suits and looking so well. The sun shone all day long as it did on our wedding day and I think everyone had a great time. The plans were to have it indoors and we laid the 60 rounds of sandwiches, quiches, sausage rolls, canapes and bruschettas that we'd slaved over out in the dining room but got hint when the house was deserted. What was meant to be help yourself turned into a waitress service, but that's o.k, it all went. Well none of the ham and cheese went, I think a bit of pickle or tomato to add colour would have seen them go.

All the kids, twice as many as the last christening I went to, played on the lawn and we all drank beer and wine. I gave a very impromptu speech and didn't do Jake justice. I quite like a speech but only if I've had time to prepare; a raconteur, I am not. Anyway everyone had a good time and people were mostly gone by 6ish. He got some great presents, most of which will require me putting up more shelves. From silver trinkets and classic book sets to bears, framed poems, stuff spelling 'Jake' and games. Best of all no plastic! We've decided on Jake's nursery which is a Montessori place and they abhor plastic toys like I do. I was skeptical about Montessori as it's a bit pretentious going off the beaten track but having looked around and seen how happy the kids were it all makes sense. Obviously because they only use wooden toys and learning aids!

So now Jake is officially christened! Here are a few pics.

Official Jake

So on Sunday, 50 or so of us will gather at the church that Clare and I were married in and Jake will enter the Christian realm. I really am not religious but I am a traditionalist and do respect the Church as an institution; I know a lot of people get a lot from it. Before we got married I probably went to half a dozen services and Clare the same amount again. I did it out of respect. This church was equidistant from the homes we grew up in but nowhere near where we lived. Well at the time it was very close as we were camping down in my parents' place but that's a whole other story. So we went out of respect for the people who go every week but I wondered if that made me more of a hypocrite than not going at all. Was going in order to pretend I was holier than thou in order to put up a facade for the devout incumbents worse than just admitting I was there for the nice photographic back drop? Actually, it turned out, no. I am a respectful person in the main and after a bit of self reflection on the matter, the respect for the folk, I deemed, was genuine in spite of any feelings of ambivalence towards the church and that, I decided was worthy enough. I told you I brood too much.

That said, the church can be somewhat outmoded and automatically thinks that young folk who don't attend weekly services are incapable of salvation and akin to Beelzebub himself. Under what felt that police interview room interrogation I did feel like saying 'do you want the money, or what?' but thought better of it. The point is that the church must update itself if young people are to find it relevant again.

Anyway, I like churches because, save for one common use, they are usually very happy, sunny places on days when EVERYONE is there, not just the usual suspects. Girls in dresses and guys in suits, drinks and homemade sausage rolls and such after. I hope Sunday is sunny but forecast says no.

Event update on Monday.

8 months on

Jake was 33 weeks old on Monday, which is, roughly speaking, 8 months old. It seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. I can't seem to remember what life was really like and couldn't imagine a life without him. He's definitely here to stay! I do feel that we wasted a lot of time before he arrived and took a LOT for granted, like being able to go out at the drop of a hat, random nights in a pub or restaurant. We used to complain we were bored sometimes at the weekend, so why on earth didn't we go zorbing or take a course in candlemaking or do up an old house. Not that it would be impossible to do (this weekend we're actually going ape for example, it's just that everything takes more thinking about and more time.

Now that Jake is getting bigger, he's requiring more stimulation and the time will come, soon I suspect, when there will not be a chance of getting bored. Our spare time will be all about him and keeping him amused. It's kind of like that now, but his enjoyment will soon become more fun for us too. We went to a playground with my sister, brother in law and their kids recently and met up with another friend who was overseeing his son on the death slide and I'm really looking forward to that. My routine with my boy. Sunday mornings perhaps, although not too early. I hope I don't take it for granted and enjoy it as much as I think I will.

We're in a nice state of denial right now as we're two months away from Jake's next operation. He's a lot of fun and is developing before our eyes and it's taking our mind off of the horrendous journey we have to make at least once more before we can properly relax and put all the cleft stuff behind us. I think because we have a family holiday planned, it's easy to ignore it, but as soon as we're home, it'll hit us. I think this one will be even harder on Jake and us too. Before it was horrible because he was so little and fragile but this time, he's so much more of a little boy who can express himself more. Also, for us, there's no physical payoff; the lip repair was necessary both physically and socially. Socially for him and for us. I am a lot more relaxed now, knowing that we don't need to explain anything to anyone, no one looks twice (other than to coo!), everything's normal in fact. This op is hugely important but it won't change his appearance like the first op did so profoundly. I do think that it will be the start of the next exciting chapter. The one where Jake starts to make more word like noises - he said 'mama' the other day, we swear. It's also the one where he gets suction and can perhaps hold a bottle and learn to feed himself. I think the time between 8 months and 1 year will speed past and before long we'll wishing he was tiny again and trotting out all the usual cliches.

It's been almost a year since I started this blog and although I committed to keeping it up until the second operation, I like to think that I'll carry it on. Why not? Jake's cleft is just one part of his life, it shouldn't define him and in fact it hasn't...Jake is a smiley, happy, funny baby and that's what people always saw and will (I hope) always see. Even before the lip repair his personality was so sunny that his cleft was secondary. Maybe I'm wearing rose tints here already or maybe we just have great friends and family who, through education and upbringing know to see the person first and any 'defect'(God I hate that word) second. As he grows older and experiences life and we get to know him more and more, these set backs will dim and our focus will be entirely elsewhere.

Here's some recent photos.

I spoke too soon

A blip. A happy blip, but a blip all the same. I should have known not to get too excited about it. The very thought of Jake sleeping every day, or consistently even, until 8am seems absurd given his track record. The important thing is that he can do it when he puts his mind to it.

Sunday morning he was awake, screaming, at 3am and again at 6am. Clare did the feeds as I was, erm, rather 'tired' shall we say, in the wake of some bank holiday weekend frivolities. We stayed at my sister's on Sunday night and he woke at 12.15am and then 5.20am, again screaming.

The screaming tells us it's teeth because he never screams when he wakes up unless it's teeth. In fact he doesn't really wake up unless it's teeth or a cold or something which makes him uncomfortable. So as long as it's teeth (and it is teeth) then it's temporary. Everytime he's had a series of disturbed nights he goes back to his old pattern of going to bed at 7pm and going through but each time a bit later. Last time he came out of his ups and downs was when he started sleeping until 6/6.30 so fingers crossed after this round of torture he'll go until the magic 7am.

We think the second tooth on his upper set is just emerging now which should see him settle a bit more. It's good for him to have matching gnashers top and bottom but I love his little smile with just the one peg peeking through!

Can't remember if I've written about Jake's christening but it's all confirmed for May 10th back at the church we were married at almost 3 years ago. He's getting a separate service so the focus will all be on him. Quite right!